There is a Sheila on every ship,

a glass in one hand, always a glass in a hand,staggering about,talking loudly.Columbus is no exception.There are at least four Ozzies on board.I met one of them three or so weeks ago when jogging at 6.30 in the morning, tanned,perfect physique,yellow rabbit like teeth,we exchanged pleasantries.Another was ironing his shirt in the launderette the other day,we chattered about everything and nothing.If the men get drunk,they know how to hold their liquor. It is the Waltzing Matildas,who are the problem.When I got to the top deck this morning at 9.30,she was already sprawled out on a double sofa,shaded from the sun by a canopy, an empty glass on the side table.It was not a pretty sight.Then she started snoring quite loudly,but I had already pulled out a heavy deck-chair,prepared it for lying down and was not going do it again.She had to wake up sooner or later.Three workers came to paint the railings.They are obsessed with the railings on Columbus.If only they paid as much attention to stained arm-chairs in the Palladium theatre or in the self-service restaurant, or to anything else on the ship,God knows,it needs it.The workers were very loud,completely disregarding the presence of the passengers.I caught the eye of the most eloquent one, smiled, pointed to the sleeping beauty,as I felt sorry for her and she seemed familiar, put my finger to my lips and said shhhh. But too late, Sheila was already up,she lifted herself with great difficulty,staggered towards me and said, hey,primadonna,don't shhsh me,if you do not like it here,go somewhere else.I rarely argue and I never argue with a drunk.Hey,I am talking to you,she continued even louder.I did not respond.She was swaying and looking at me.She returned the sofa muttering - stupid cow, you think you are better than me, you fucking English stupid cow.She dropped heavily on the sofa and soon was snoring again.I gathered my belongings and moved as far away as I could.An hour or so later a man joined the sleeping Matilda.It was my jogging companion.Yes, the Ozzies are lovely people when they do not drink.