Christmas Eve on The Queen Victoria.The captain misses the boat,

so to speak.The itinerary was Lanzarote.The sea was choppy, the pilot advised against trying to sit this beautiful elephant into the dock,as there were already two massive cruisers in the port,this did not leaven our captain,Mr Philpott, enough room to manoeuvre,so there was a commiserative speech over the loud speaker regretting we were setting off slooooowly for La Coruna.Many guests grumbled the captain didn't make enough effort to dock, but I think the right decision was made.Even though it left me in the lurch - I had planned to get little gifts to hand out to all who would serve me on Christmas day.Luckily in Tenerife I had purchased YSL after- shave for my two waiters and for the cabin cleaner.But I have no wrapping paper.The paper in the book shop is ugly, so I would much rather hand the gifts as they are. Lanzarote is a very plain island, barren, low ,ugly buildings. I believe no high hotels have been allowed to be erected there,more is the pity,I think they would only improve the vista.Mr Cameron had spent a family holiday on the island last year or was it the year before? Whoever had advised him to bring his children to this nothing place is not on his Christmas cards list anymore,I am sure. There really is nothing to see on Lanzarote, It beats me, why on earth would anyone want to fly here for four hours willingly and pay for the privilege. Some guests had planned to ride on the camels.Poor animals, they do not know how lucky they are to be spared the massive backsides of the English. So we are heading off for the town of La Coruna. It has the ugliest, dirtiest,smelliest port I have ever had the misfortune to find myself in at least four times on the various cruises.The buildings are dark, plain, urinated on by the sailors serviced by the night-workers,the walkways by the port are often covered by condoms.The first time I was in La Coruna in November 2010 on my very first cruise, I was so utterly disgusted by the stench and dirt, I expressed my views in the survey I was asked to fill in at the end of the cruise, as is the custom. Every month the ships bring thousands of people ,the amount of money the tourists spend in the shops is ginormous,but the Spaniards do not even have the decency to clean up at least that part of the town, where the travelers have no choice in being. By the way,those who are wondering why on earth am I talking about a PILOT on a ship,this PILOT navigates the big ships in and out of ports.No large vessel is ever allowed into a port unless it has a PILOT at the helm,as he has the knowledge of the local waters no captain possesses.