There is a lovely lady on Ventura,

80 + ,weathered, wrinkled,still beautiful face,fashionably dressed but in an understated, simple, elegant manner. Today in the Saffron restaurant I was seated next to her and her companion.She looked at me and smiled, he looked at me and growled. I could not quite make out what their relationship was.There were no wedding rings. "I could not go on my balcony this morning,it was too windy,"I heard her say."My" balcony,of course, did not have to mean she was in the cabin alone. She leaned towards him and said something quietly. "I am not paying for that,"exclaimed he loudly."We have already had two trips on a coach, a cake and coffee in Madeira,it is all going on my credit card."^He has money to smoke like a chimney,he sure smelled like one,it was quite offensive and unpleasant. I cannot imagine what it was she wanted that warranted his reaction at lunch where all food,coffee,water, except soft drinks and alcohol, is included. At the end of the meal he marched off before her. This reminded me of another couple dining together on anther ship a year or so ago. Aren't you having any dessert, asked one lady another lady,part of the couple in question.Oh,no,replied she,my husband likes me slim,I cannot have cakes.I looked at the husband,expecting an Adonis. What I saw was an elephant with two chins not far from becoming three,a sprawling belly that the tight shirt could not contain,red swollen ankles,feet in slippers shaped like a dolphin's flapper.Sweet Jesus, I thought then, what life can this woman have being belittled by this thing.And there are many women who put up with this kind of indignity all their life. As I write I am sitting in the atrium of Ventura, where a dance class is taking place.Some dancers float,some stomp,some,well...been there,done that!

I visited Lanzarote for the very first time on my very first cruise in December 2010.

I took a comprehensive tour of the island organized by the Independence of the Seas.The island was a great disappointment to me.A blot on the horizon,nothing of interest,no history,no culture,no impressive buildings.At the entrance to the centre of Arricefe, the capital,there was a white small square low building, peeling paint on all four scruffy walls.Today,over 7 years later,the white square building is still standing just as scruffy,the peeling paint on all four walls.Everywhere you look the buildings are shabby,plain and awful.I have been to Lanzarote several times since.Not out of choice.The island is on the itinerary of every ship of every cruise to the Canaries.I have no doubt billions of EU money is poured here as is to the whole of Spain,the cruise ships bring in revenue of some magnitude. And Arricefe cannot afford a tin of paint. Every time I come I walk to the marina,pop inside a shop or two and return to the ship. I know I will be cruising to the Canaries again, I know Lanzarote will be on the itinerary. I have decided that the next time I come I will venture outside Arrecife again, maybe things have changed for the better. Well, Mr Cameron, the ex British Prime Minister had spent a holiday on the island with his family twice.Maybe I am missing something.

Tenerife is the highest,the largest,the most important and the most beautiful Canary Island.

The tourists flock there,because it has ideal climate all year round, it is never too hot in summer and never too cold in winter. And it has its own place in the Spanish history.In 1936 General Franco,then commander of the military region of the Canaries,set in motion the coup which led to the Spanish Civil War.The 1969 film "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie" with the wonderful Maggie Smith paid homage to this era.I visited Tenerife for the very first time good 25 years ago and remember vividly walking on the top of El Teide,a dormant volcano and the highest mountain in Spain.El Teide has a Starlight certification,Tenerife has one of the clearest skies in the world.I remember taking a tour to the Puerto de la Cruz,a pretty little town and to the nearby Orotava Valley, the Botanical Gardens there with the perfect climate have a truly exceptional collection of trees and plants from all over the world.The naturalist Mt Humboldt described the Valley as the " finest view in the world."Maybe not the finest,but certainly up there amongst the best of them.For me the highlight of the day was the visit to the mansion Sitio Litre built in 1730 where Agatha Christie had stayed. As a child I used to devour her books.I love Poirot, the latest Murder on the Orient Express was shown on Ventura several days ago,Mr Branagh had done an excellent job.But no-one can and never will beat David Suchet as Hercule. My favourite Miss Marple?I could not choose between Margaret Rutherford [Murder on the Gallop my favourite, where she has an ardent admirer] and Joan Hickson,she is marvellous in every film. I do not like ZOO's,I hate to see animals kept in captivity. Loro Parque at the foot of El Teide is an exception.Over 13 hectares of grounds house mammals, birds, fishes, reptiles.[one hectar equals to 10 000 sq meters] I do not like Santa Cruz de Tenerife, the capital.It has 300 000 inhabitants,30 000 more than the whole of Madeira, and one can feel it every step of the way. Santa Cruz is brash,busy and bursting at the seems.I was there when a little coffee shop opened on the main shopping street 2 or so years ago, the parrots were parroting merrily,perched on people's heads, pictures were being taken.There was not a free seat to be had. Yesterday there was a free end table just for me. Freshly pressed orange, excellent coffee and a cheesecake.Now, I have tasted a better cheesecake - at Ottolenghi in Ledbury Rd,London,Notting Hill,but I have never seen a prettier one,the most enchanting concoction of mixed berries delicately perched on the top of the creamiest of cheeses sitting on a thin nutty florentine-like base on which a layer of the best chocolate was spread. A feast to the senses. I popped round to Desiqual,a Spanish chain, where everything is different to anything one can see in other shops,more colourful,better quality, and was tempted by a lovely top,I was also given a free small weekend bag,I have a loyalty card and sometimes am surprised by a gift,always a much appreciated lovely gesture.This is the way to keep a customer. There is one little town I am yet to see-San Cristobal de la Laguna,maybe the next time I come to Tenerife.Because come back I will. La Laguna is UNESCO World Heritage Site.

I have a like don't like relationship with Gran Canaria.

I like it when the weather is glorious,orange juice sweet and coffee good, don't like it when it isn't. Yesterday was cloudy and cold.I should have stayed on board. I went ashore and did what I do rarely-went inside the shopping centre next to the port.One ugly shop with identical ugly clothes after another. Then I got me an idea - a small bottle of Dior J'adore would make my day.I walked inside Fund Grube,a chain I am not familiar with,and got me a bottle costing 42.90 euros. In the evening I sprayed myself with the perfume and went to dinner. Sitting down a strange unpleasant aroma wafted around me. It was my perfume. I had been sold a dud.Probably an old bottle forgotten for years until I bought it. Or something went wrong when it was being filled. Dior has a customer service department in London, as I have already checked. There is where the bottle is going to go. Yes, I do have love hate relationship with Gran Canaria.

La Palma,the world's steepest island,seems to be on the itinerary of every P&O ship.

And if it isn't,it should be.and on the list of the ports of call of every ship that sails in this part of the world. The island is so tiny, you can "do" it in a day,you can, in fact, "do" it in half a day,as I did on my first visit there about 3 or was it 4 years ago when the Queen Victoria was too late to dock on Lanzarote.We had atrocious weather all the way from Southampton and it slowed us down considerably,one of the P & O ships had beaten us to the spot, thank God,and La Palma was offered as a substitute,thank God. When the Atlantic ocean is good, it can be very good, but when it is bad, it can be awful.And on that Christmas voyage it was worse than awful.And so we landed on La Palma. Besides seeing the whole of the island,in the capital Santa Cruz where the ship docked I managed to visit all the shops that took my fancy [my husband,being from the family of tailors, used to say, that every shop displays the best in the window and if you do not like what you see in the window, you will not like what there is inside], one of them a shoe shop.And this shop has been my first place of call on my every visit since.And I always buy something. Thursday last we had all day on the island,but the weather looked unpredictable, at times sunny,quite windy, the odd sprinkling of rain. It was best to keep near the port so that if the sky really opened one could quickly retreat to the ship. My first call was to the shoe shop and the most adorable and very,very comfortable, always a priority, pair of silvery grey sandals with a wide strap and a buckle, I have never seen anything so simple yet eye-catching,went home with me. There is also a lovely boutique,but it is at the very end of the main long shopping street and once I sat down to an excellent cup of coffee and a cake,I needed nothing more to make me happy and content,so I returned to my cabin. On my next visit to the island I would like to see again the Santa Maria, concrete and timber replica of Columbus' ship,the locals call Barco de la Virgen.

It should not always be the taste of sweet muscat wine and the smell of hyacinth on Madeira.

In 2005 Marina Do Lugar De Baixo was built.It was to be a home, be it temporary, for the super-luxury yachts.Since it was built the walls of the harbour have been damaged three times by huge waves to such a degree that repairing them now is simply not tenable and the road to the Marina has been chained off.Fifty million euros down the proverbial drain.True,only 3.5 million had been provided for this fiasco by the European Union, but the residents of Madeira have been given another 6 billion to play with and it is anyone's guess how much of it has been repaid since 2012 when the 6 billion was owed. Yes, 252 000 inhabitants owe 6 billion euros. In the shopping centre next to the Ritz hotel,where the shops are supposed to be open 9-13 and 15-19,several of them were still closed at 10.30 in the morning. I liked the look of one of them, so returned shortly after 12.As the only assistant was attending to two patrons, I popped inside the shop next door and went back ten minutes later.It was 12.15. The boutique was dark, the door firmly locked. The life on Madeira is very good for the natives.They have been blessed with the most wonderful commodity- the warm sea and the constant sun. And with the euro billions on tap it is always the taste of sweet muscat wine and the smell of hyacinth on Madeira.

Are you on holiday,

asked the young very pretty girl, full of smiles and speaking the most excellent English. Yes,I smiled back. Are you alone,she continued. Now, I do not like the Spanish inquisition.I do not like people asking me questions.I am happiest when I am left at peace,that is why I sit alone when I dine,I never share a table. But there are moments when I know curiosity is harmless and good natured,not the sticking nose into other people's affairs kind.And this was one of those times.So I engaged in conversation with this delightful young woman. Yes, I am alone. Why? Don't you have a husband? I did, but he passed away. I am sorry,when? Eight years ago. Eight years ago? It is a very long time.Why don't you find yourself a new husband? Nobody wants me. I do not believe it.You are  very nice,you smile,women come here and do not smile,and often they do not say thank you.I have an uncle,he owns this shop and many other shops and two hotels, my aunt died five years ago and my uncle is alone, he works all the time.I think you would like each other.He is also very handsome. My goodness,there must be so many women on this island who would want him,I burst out laughing. Yes, but he does not want them.But I think he would like you.Can you meet him? This was going from funny to sublimely ridiculous.I am on a ship and the ship is leaving at 5.30,I said. Oh,no,my uncle is  visiting my grandma and will be back in the evening.

She stood there,thinking.Are you coming to Madeira again? Yes. Please,please come also to the shop. I will,thank you.And I left.

The titled and the prosperous retired Brits used to spend winters on Madeira.

Madeira has everything and much more to make the mature visitor happy. It is clean,warm and sunny,[oh,it can rain,too, I have been a witness to it several times, but the downpours are short and sweet],the food is good,the wine very nice indeed.I am teetotal,it means I do not drink, well,I never used to at all, but the last several years there has been so much publicity exalting the benefits of red wine for the heart, to ignore it would not be very prudent,so since I have been cruising, I do have the odd glass,especially Madeira,for its aroma and sweetness.When I was with my sister on Oceana last month we had none, neither have I had any wine to date on Ventura,but I did have Budweiser the first formal evening and Carlsberg the second. So what is there not to love about this enchanting little Ilha da Madeira [Island of Timber] inhabited by some 267 000 people,that lies in the Atlantic ocean about 600 miles west of Lisbon. To spend winter months on the island must be heaven. The Brits have now stopped coming to Madeira,they go to Spain instead,it is nearer and cheaper. And it is not only the wealthy and the titled any longer, it is all and sundry and that is the way it should be. Funchal has some lovely little boutiques.My favourite is a shoe shop called Eureka, I discovered it two or so years ago only and on Wednesday was my third visit there. I always know if I want something the moment I look at it and in Eureka there is so much to like, but I did limit myself to two pairs of sandals only,hard as it was. There is a clothes boutique I always go to, but I liked nothing enough to want to have it, even though the costume jewellery was quite stunning.I love clothes and everything that goes with it, but I am a sensible shopper, I am not a shopaholic.In my favourite coffee shop Docura Madeirense I had freshly pressed orange juice, coffee and a cake filled with sweet cheese and then began to walk back to the ship taking the little side streets.Passing one very small boutique with just one assistant inside, the window display caught my eye,several items elegantly placed,simple bags,colourful scarves. I walked in.There were two cotton short sleeved tops I liked very much,they fitted like a glove and I decided to buy them.When paying a conversation took place that makes me chuckle still.

Madeira

I  love the island.I know it well.I have had tea at Reid's,the famous five star hotel where Mr Churchill had stayed. Long time ago  hotel Tamarindos, on Gran Canaria,where I had stayed when it was still a  luxurious five star retreat(now it seems to be getting 4 star ratings only), and the hotel Reid, were the only five star hotels in this region.

 Madeira, of course, is not a part of  Canary Islands, even though many people think it is,Madeira is Portuguese and Canary Islands are Spanish and the difference is very obvious,Madeira is elegant,refined, clean, Canary Islands are not.I have done sightseeing on the  tukxi,an eco friendly convertible electric  three wheeler.I have ridden on the toboggan,not as exhilarating  two or so mile descent as Mr Hemingway,the writer, would have us believe,not quite hair-raising enough,at times almost enjoyable had it not been for the feet of the drivers,my eyes reluctantly turning towards them,wondering  how good the soles function as  breaks.I had taken  the cable car from the seafront to Monte and walked through the Monte Palace Tropical Gardens.I have walked the Levada walk."Levadas" is an irrigation system, open canals built in the early 16th century, from the  rainy north part of the island to the drier south part and it is used to the present day.The walks alongside the canals are very popular  but  they are for the very dedicated  nature lovers and walkers only,as the trails can be wobbly and the feet get quite a battering unless good walking shoes are worn and on a holiday it is  not always so.On my tour many people underestimated the terrain,the sandals  totally inadequate,but once you start, you cannot turn back.

I had bought the most aromatic muscat grapes in the Farmers market,tasted  Madeira wine  in  a  Madeira wine cellar.I have been to churches and museums.I have even joined a crowd of people  and TV cameras waiting for Ronaldo,the most famous son of the island, to come and unveil a statue the town  of Funchal had erected for him [I did not wait,he was well over an hour late and  never even apologized,apparently he does a lot of  charity work,but good manners and consideration cost nothing , the famous get too big for their boots]. I have no doubt there are many more enchanting little villages and spots to discover all over the island and parts of the capital,Funchal,too.But you can never really see it all anywhere. You can see a lot of everything ,but you cannot see everything.So now whenever I come to Madeira I walk, I shop,I drink coffee and freshly pressed orange juice. And I love it.

It has been claimed by all the sales persons on the QVC shopping channel

that a woman's shoulder does not age and therefore every woman can wear a cold shoulder top.I can say without any hesitation whatsoever that it is not true.And never has it been more apparent than tonight at dinner when one flabby upper arm after another flabby upper arm dressed in a cold shoulder top walked into a restaurant.

Woke up to the foggiest of fogs enveloping the ship,

the gentle horn now and then letting all and sundry know we are here,sailing merrily towards Madeira.This is the marine practice and it makes sense whether some travellers like it or not.I find the sound of the horn quite comforting and love to hear it when a ship is leaving a port.Often it brings tears to my eyes. Some captains apologize for sounding the .horn,apparently people object to the noise. Well, it is a part and parcel of cruising and if you do not like it, you have no business to be on a ship. Breakfast was the usual affair of porridge [barely warm] and then a hot slice of bread with some too salty scrambled eggs.Why do the chefs forget that you can always add salt to a meal but you cannot take it away?I picked up some lemon slices, yogurt and raspberry tea and had a cup sitting on the balcony in my cabin.Not yet hot enough to sunbathe but warm enough to enjoy the sun and the magnificent view,the never ending sea,the waves frolicking and chasing each other.

P & O Ventura, cabin D 730, 21st April 2018,

This is my third cruise on Ventura.As I write we are sailing to Canary Islands having left Southampton about three hours ago. My first dining experience - dinner at 6 in the Saffron restaurant - was utterly stomach churning and no,not because the food was unpalatable. What was the problem? The eating habits of some of the travellers! There was a couple sitting at a table to the left of me. The man, 75 or so, having finished the roast lamb started picking his teeth with a tooth-pick.First tooth-pick, second tooth-pick, third tooth-pick.I tried not to look at him,but how can you not look at someone who is sitting almost opposite? And then up went the fingers.Yes, he was scraping and digging with his fingers. The full cavity work.I despaired. And then the neighbour to the right of me joined him! In unison, first a tooth-pick,then a finger! Oh,I have seen some disgusting things being done, but this was a double whammy that would make a strong man weep! I can see I am in for a bumpy sail.