What is this thing called language?

Some people appear to be speaking in a strange bafflegab,and I don't mean melodic Welsh I could listen to endlessly,neither do I mean the lovely Lancashire twang,or the Cockney concoction-and this really is an acquired taste,not even saying BADLY to my BAADLY I object to,and I am referring neither to my least favourite intonation of all-Scottish, that grinds on my ears to distraction, and no educated person should speak it,but somehow even this is more preferable to the incomprehensible gobbledygook I hear around the ship,it is something else,something that when heard en mass, makes me shudder and wonder why is the Queens English being so mutilated, innit....