Good-bye, Oceana, may God take care of you and all that sail on you.

When in the first hour of the first day of the first month of 2016 Oceana had slipped her lines and set sail for Southampton, an overwhelming sense of sorrow filled my heart.I so hate returning home.I love my home with all my heart, yet hate it at the same time. I hate the lonely nights,the emptiness of the rooms. Is it my fate to be alone? Is it my destiny? I am so capable,so self-sufficient,there is nothing I cannot do. I can take care of everything, of every-one. Why can't I take care of my own aching heart? There are days when I am drowning in grief,in pain,in sadness. My Olly,my monkey,when you died did my heart die with you?

So tomorrow I am saying good-bye to this lovely vessel I have grown to like so much.

Yes, Oceana,soon the time will come for us to part. The morning was leisurely,couldn't get out of bed. The plan was to have breakfast in The Ligurian, where waiters serve scrambled eggs with salmon on a hot bagel, and I think even cream cheese.But I got up at 8, and then fell asleep again,so missed the breakfast and went to the gym instead.There were only two people on their last leg,barely moving, and I knew they would leave soon and I would have the whole gym to myself. And so it was for good 15 minutes and I was running on the treadmill feeling very happy. And then a man walked in and even though none of the other machines was being used, he came and plonked himself next to me. Next to me! My blood came to the boil but he was bigger than me, and I was not tackling a man mountain,so I left.Then there was lunch,and a splendid affair it was, too,served by a handsome waiter, who was proud to demonstrate to me his knowledge of several Russian words (Yes,I speak Russian fluently),he is always pleasant and charming. Tabuleh salad was aromatic and a good choice,but I could have equally enjoyed any other starter on the menu, even though I do not order soups anymore, they are my least favourite food on Oceana, too SHINY, and no thickness to them, as if made from the same stock. But I do understand the ship must cut corners one way or another to feed the masses. Then I had macaroni cheese, I love macaroni cheese and buy it ready made from Marks, they also have cauliflower cheese I adore,these ready made meals are delicious and a good stand by.With the macaroni cheese I had a really well put together side salad with gribiche dressing. Why did I choose macaroni cheese of all the things I could have had,and believe me, the menu was excellent, and I could have been happy with any other dish. Well, I just fancied macaroni cheese. And to finish the lunch,I chose an upside down spicy plum cake,must be upside down,wouldn't have it any other way, I said jokingly to the waiter. Or is it you who is going to serve it to me standing upside down? He burst out laughing and could not stop. You are always so funny,he said. The couple opposite looked at me... some people do not have a sense of humour. Tea with milk to end the meal...The afternoon will be spent packing.

What is this thing called language?

Some people appear to be speaking in a strange bafflegab,and I don't mean melodic Welsh I could listen to endlessly,neither do I mean the lovely Lancashire twang,or the Cockney concoction-and this really is an acquired taste,not even saying BADLY to my BAADLY I object to,and I am referring neither to my least favourite intonation of all-Scottish, that grinds on my ears to distraction, and no educated person should speak it,but somehow even this is more preferable to the incomprehensible gobbledygook I hear around the ship,it is something else,something that when heard en mass, makes me shudder and wonder why is the Queens English being so mutilated, innit....

This is the life.

Breakfast in the dining room, Ligurian,orange juice, porridge,fresh fruit,then coffee in Explores-the bar by the computers.then at 12 back to The L for lunch.If I leave it too late, I do not get a table to myself.The lunch was a splendid affair-a delicious Thai fish-cake,a superior risotto with a simple side salad.At the table in front of me were seated the two Portuguese baboons.The woman surpassed herself-she was at times licking the knife.The male certainly liked his wine, knocking down one glass after another.Of course he is not the only one, quite a few tipsy travelers walk the corridors.There are almost 70 children on this family friendly vessel.There are free of charge clubs for them and often the carers take them out for a walk through the ship, singing,some children look happy,big smiles, others not, but the parents need time to be alone.There is a family on board I wish had never brought their offsprings, a girl about 15, boy 11,they often use the computers,noisy,loud,no regard for others.They pull chairs from the bar section and never push them back,no concern for the old.They constantly drink coke and leave water marks on the tables, the mother says nothing,she gives the impression of being full of herself.At dinner in the evening I often hear a baby cry, there are several toddlers on the ship,mostly adorable,but, of course, babies do cry and I have no problem with that,what I dislike are badly behaved children, who know no boundaries.Britannia,a very large vessel,on which seven of us plus three children under 10, will be cruising in July, takes 3,647 guests, when full,I expect there will be good 200 kids there.But with the crew of 1,350 I hope we will be well taken care of.After lunch went to the cinema - films are usually shown in the Footlights. The ship yesterday and today was wobbly,had to take anti- sickness tablets and even bought a sea band,this is supposed to give natural relief,but I do not think it is worth the expense, the tablets are much more effective. Both yesterday and today gave the gym a miss,it is no fun running and having to hold on so tight, the knuckles go white.As the gym is on the 12th floor, when the sea is really rocky even stabilisers do not help and you may easily fall off the treadmill. Stabilisers are employed to help to steady the ship,they help to stop the ship from overturning in powerful winds.So instead of going to the gym, I did some sorting out in my stateroom,looked at future cruises,washed my hair,showered and before I knew it  time for dinner.And delicious it was, too-fried goats cheese,champagne sorbet,grilled calves liver cooked to perfection - just the right shade of pink,tender,succulent.Tarte aux pommes was a little disappointing, the puff pastry hard and cold,but the splendid cheese-I chose 3 different kinds the names of which escapes me-and the usual excellent tea with milk were a perfect end to a perfect meal.Even the neighbours were as neighbours should be-pleasant. And before I knew it it was 8.30 and the time for the theatre, a four piece male harmony group The Brit Tones,workmanlike performance but the 45 minutes went surprisingly quickly. Tomorrow I will be singing my swan song.

And I have danced.

Last night the Oceana"s own Headliners Theatre Company performed Breakdown Blues,as always quite lovely,I have not missed their show yet.Yesterday I was sitting in the 6th row, first seat.At the end of the preformance some dancers came down from the podium and I was expecting them to run up the stairs to the exit ready to greet us as we leave.But no, one of them,a handsome blond devil with snake hips, ran up to me, lifted me from my seat, and yes, reader, we danced! My fancy footwork was akin to an Innelmann turn-I looped,I rolled,I swirled and swooned,I tiptoed,I heeled,throwing myself to a sweet abandon. Have you seen the two step-sisters to Lily James" Cinderella how they moved their feet in unison,standing by the window waiting to try on the glass slipper? Stroke of genius.As was my dance. That was my moment to crown this super cruise.And by golly did I take it!

1st January, 2016 on Oceana.

I have read somewhere-start the New Year, as you wish to continue. How am I going to start the New Year? What is waiting for me in the next 365 days? I woke up at 8,but remained in bed until 9,the sky clouded,the sun well hidden. The porridge would only be available until 10.10 and I so love starting a day with a bowlful ,so I hurriedly got ready and went to Lido, many people not up after the celebrations,the music was playing until at least 3-4 in the morning, I didn't even have to go to Lido to listen to it,could hear everything clearly in my stateroom on the 11th floor.But I did not mind. Had an early lunch just after 12, so that I could have a small table to myself,later the dining room fills up and I would have to share.And that I would never ever do,I would much rather jump the ship, as I say jokingly to the waiters. Lunch was super duper, as fresh as a daisy prawn salad,turkey Cordon bleu and a plum pudding with cream anglaise. The pudding very much reminded me of Mrs Beeton"s Christmas pudding we had on Christmas day,but who is complaining, I loved it. Of course no-one makes them like Marks & Spencer, I hope there will still be the miniature ones that were on offer 3 for 2 before Christmas,when I get back. Should go to the gym, but do not feel like it. Looking out of the window, the waives are rising and falling again in playful harmony. Only 15 hours ago the view was so different. Madeira covered in lights,the fireworks at midnight never to be forgotten. Am I going to spend another Christmas alone on a ship ? The fourteen nights have flown by,I wish we could turn back and start all over again, that is how wonderful it all has been. It hasn't all been perfect, of course, nothing ever is. But where it matters, it has been pretty special. Thank you,Oceana.

Better to be alone than in bad company.

On Christmas day I was seated at a table for 2,next to me an elderly English couple,he more forthcoming,she somewhat reticent(some people are overly verbose,others terribly taciturn),I do not remember who was seated first,myself,or them,but I do remember we smiled at each other,said hello,a pleasant exchange of niceties followed with the customary but harmless poke,on their part,into my affairs. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO INTERESTED IN ME? I was to have the same table on New Years Eve, but the day before I got a little note informing me, my sitting had been changed from 6.15 to 9.15.I did not mind, in fact I welcomed it, I hate hurrying and showering at 5 and I knew I would be in town until quite late, and I was, from about 10 till about 4. On the night I was already sitting at my lovely little table,when a couple in their early fifties were shown to the table next to me. Not a word, not a nod, not a smile. Who behaves like that? From the very few words I couldn't help overhearing, I detected Portuguese. And I had always considered the Portuguese to be cultured people. Not this pair of buffoons.Several nights ago there was an extremely large lady sitting at a table for four near me together with her daughter-a teenager, very obviously with down's syndrome, delightful,sparkly little rascal,rumbustious,quite a handful.They seemed to have a lovely relationship,the mother gently scolding and reprimanding. How is the girl going to survive, if the mother dies before her, which under the circumstances is very likely,I thought,if she continues to expand her already at least 25 stone frame. She is not going to see 40. Yesterday, New Years Eve, they were at their allocated table again. When leaving, I could not help myself-I smiled and said to the mother-you have a lovely daughter, but she certainly has a mind of her own. The lady answered - she is not my daughter,she is my neighbour's,but I take care of her. I wished them Happy New Year and left. If the parents cannot take care of their daughter now, and the carer dies, what is going to happen to this eternal child? Sometimes there is no justice in the world.

Madeira,New Year's Eve 2015.

An utterly glorious day,at first cloudy and dull,but once the sun popped through, the clouds, even the light showers, didn't dampen my feeling of joy and contentment.The previous evening was so tired after dinner,the workout in the gym was quite vigorous and of course I walked for good three hours in town,had no energy to go to the theatre at 10.30, even though was feeling super and SEEEXY!Yes, may I say it-sexy in my very simple black get up- a T-shirt from Marks I wear to the gym,worn back to front to accentuate the predominantly gold utterly delicious funky necklace,bought at a reduced price in Bimba Y Lola in Tenerife (reduction not expected,a nice surprise),calf length at least 15 years old Marks trousers,supreme fit, supreme quality,teamed with oh so stylish leather lace up ankle boots with pointed studded toes and a divine bracelet every-one thought was a watch in disguise-two massive hearts facing each other,blood red,the red matching the lips on a bag from La Palma,in the corner of he bag the word KISS in white diamante,utterly stunning.I joked to the lovely couple, who remarked how different it was, that the KISS was the only kiss I was going to get!I felt a two million dollars in a two hundred pound outfit!Thank you Bimba,thank you Marks-my most favourite store in the whole wide world! I am a savvy shopper but even I at times,when in a hurry, lose my guard, as happened in Madeira in BIOFARMA. Always happy to try natural cosmetics,I bought there several items including an under eye Himalayan cream,only when back on ship I looked closely and realized the selling date expired in March 2015.Luckily it cost 13 euros only,normally I spend much more on an eye cream. I use the cream on my knees and elbows now. I spent an absolute fortune in Perfumeria Arkay,Ripoche 18,Tenerife,if you ask for an extra deal, you get it, they have the right idea,do not want to lose a customer. I love Sisley and the price I got was very,very good.There is a nice Bar Da Vinci on Ripoche 6, where a delightful, I presume German owner, judging by her accent, made me a super duper coffee with an extra shot,hot and strong,just as I like it.Opposite the Bar is a newly opened shoe shop,where I picked up two pairs of the most comfortable sneakers,I only wish they had them wider,would have got a pair for my lovely sister,too.This again is a place I am never going to give a miss in future.But one of my favourite shops on Canary Islands is in Madeira,105 Rua Do Janeiro,no reductions,no sales, all items exclusive,mostly one offs,bought there a yellow leather bag last March, this time I walked out with a red corduory top, a pinkish embroided top,a stunning necklace, a blue ring for 5 euros, and a greenish silk scarf with the most adorable flower print. And I must not forget a "fake" watch-looks like a watch, even has a dial showing time, yet it is a leather bracelet,quite unusual.I love and am not afraid to wear funky bits and pieces.